Being Shown Up

Boy! What a busy week.

On the writing front: Working like mad on my Genesis entry (and trying to avoid getting hung up on the little things that I can check out later) as well as getting more done in my current WIP. Still have to push myself a little, but it's getting better....we will talk about that in a minute.

Diet: Probably going great since I have been sick and just eating enough to keep alive. Bleck. Well, at least I reattained my plateau weight and am now still sitting at it waiting for it to drop. I'm eating less, moving more and I cannot get out of this weight. I still have ten pounds to go! It would probably help if I got the desk out of the living room so that I can have the floor space for my exercises again, eh? Yeah, gonna work on that too since hubby is home and he needs to make some repairs to the desk so it will stand on it's own. :0)

Reviews: Watched part of Kindom of Heaven last night. I was exhausted and fell asleep during it (no this doesn't say anything for the movie, I fall asleep during the most interesting of CSIs too. If I am tired, I am tired and that is all she wrote, lol.) What I saw was interesting, weird, maybe but I think the set up was good. I don't want to give any spoilers but if they treated Templar knights like that, then I am sure glad my nephew is wearing a different Renaissance outfit this year. :D

Which reminds me, I really need to get busy making our new ones, but I am hung up on mine because I cannot find the exact linen I want for the chemise and sleeves. I will keep looking I guess and maybe I will find it. I saw it last year, but this year it is mysteriously missing. Frustrating. And I cannot decide on what material to make my neice's gown this year. A pattern I think, but since she is young, not too dark. Sigh. My material is all picked out, with the exception of the linen, and I am making myself a new cloak. Well, I have to now because I already gave my niece my old one, since she loved that material so much.

The other night as I sat NOT writing because I have been suffering from mental deflection....I was occupying myself with other writerly things. Anything but writing. I had the word documents pulled up, but I mean, who were we kidding? Nothing was getting added or edited. Dead in the water. So my friend Imed me and we talked. We talked about her block (I was even in denial about mine). She mostly had hers figured out, but I suddenly realized that both of us were suffering from fear. Fear of failure, fear of sucess, fear of being bad, fear of being good: who knows. Everything I said to her could be applied to me!

Okay, had a foothold. I was suffering from fear. What to do? Get over it! Right? Right. Trust God. Right. Another easy one. Or was it? This contenment thing is new to me. Okay, what was I afraid of? I would trust God and He would use me as He needed. Great. Got that. Now what? Write. Still not so easy. The words eeeeked out of me. Pray. So I did.

The next day I was pulling into Panera's to pick up the bagels for work. I'd already had a loooooong morning. (Woke up three times in two hours for different things, not of the least was a desperate need to pray for one of my friends, which had never ever happened to me before.) I was listening to the Christian radio station and since I was running late I was listening to Woodrow Kroll on Back to the Bible. He's been doing a series on Tithing. It has been beneficial for me to listen to, I might add. This morning he was continuing on this theme and I can't remember much of what was said, cause I had to wait for a person who had a nicer car and probably a more important job than me, judgeing by the way she was driving to get out of the lot. Anyway just as I found the perfect slot by the door, the voice through the radio says some verse in the Bible and then "You reap what you sow. It's ridiculous to go out to your field and expect a great harvest if you haven't sown ANY seeds."
Immediate connection to my writing. How could I expect ANY results since I hadn't put anything into it? I hadn't sown anything to expect anything. I had to put effort in to get any out and in order to write the stories that God needs, I had to trust Him to give them to me.

So now I am writing. It is still slow, but it is coming and I know God is watching. He didn't call me to be perfect, He called me to write and write I shall, the rest is up to Him. I am but a humble servant. (and grateful to be able to be such to Him)

I have a quandry, however. The people who usually crit my work aren't going to be able to help me with my Genesis entry because two of them are involved with the contest. Soooo that leaves me feeling a little nervous about sending in the entry. Okay, I know I need to lean on God and trust Him. Thank you for pointing that out.

I think since September, He has been showing me how much I relied on others, you know, the someones with skin on. When in truth if all I had was God, that would be sufficient. So I am learning to be content in whatever state I find myself in. And sometimes I can even find joy. That is my goal. To find the Joy of the Lord in every area of my life.

Have a great and wonderful day. May your blessings abound.

In His Joy.