Can I stop this wacky merrygoround? Last weekend, last week, this past weekend, yipes! Even today was a crazy race. I need to get off and catch my breath.
I am so behind on my Bible reading it is not funny, but I am going to catch up.
It seems that the evil one has laid snares for my unsuspecting feet by making me so busy I can't find the time for writing. But that is okay, I am finding time anyway because this is what God wants me to do. It doesn't really matter if I am good or not. God wants me to write and write I shall.
I wanted to reconnect with the pleasure I used to feel when I wrote, but I didn't know how. I used to could sit and write chapters on end, the stories would pour from me. Two years ago today, all that changed. My whole life was to change in but a second of time. My mother suffered a seizure while sitting in the chair watching TV while I was preparing dinner. I didn't know then, that it was the beginning of the end. As I look back I writhe in shame at the selfish prayers I sent upward during my "solitary" confinement with my mother at home as a total transfer and needing me to do everything for her. I wish I had been more gracious. I was a loving daughter and I took good care of her, but I wish I would have had prettier thoughts in my head. I needed a break and no one ever offered to take over, not even for a few minutes. My showers were hurried with the kids on standby to warn me should Mom wake up and need me. Two months later she suffered another stroke and only a couple weeks after that, God called her home.
Somehow during that time I lost the joy of writing and yet I can't NOT write. I still struggle. I still cannot find the joy I used to have. I pray for it to return.
The last couple weeks at my job have been unreal, that is where the stress factor tops out. I wake up with dread hovering over my heart every morning at having to go to that awful place. It shouldn't be awful, but it is. I love to work alone, but I hate feeling totally cut off from everything. All Thanksgiving and December and even up to New Years, they had all kinds of parties and get togethers. Guess how many I was invited to? Not one. Really makes me feel like an important part of the company, wouldn't you think? And not to take the senior officers too lightly, I got an email from my boss who happens to be the Vice President of Human Resources...and she said that Monday was a day that a particular company was going to buy lunch for the employees so I didn't need to buy any food for that day....in fact I could leave early. (Not that I minded leaving early, but my goodness, talk about feeling unwanted.) However, I clocked out promptly at eleven and they still had me hang around for 15 minutes putting the shindig I wasn't invited to together!! Unpaid because I had already clocked out.
Anyway, I'm ranting. I would appreciate prayers for discernment in this area and for God to show me clearly what to do. And if it is His will that I continue on in this employment that He bless me with the peace and grace to deal with it. Let me be a light.
I also felt led to enter the Geneisis contest. I am working on my entry.
I took my Alphie to work and have several chapters of my wip on it. Today I actually got involved in the writing and had fun creating. I hoped to continue it when I got home, but things got crazy and this is the first real chance I have had to sit and write.
I am currently reading Black Sands by Colleen Coble (wonderful read, run out and buy this book...or the entire series, you won't be sorry. Colleen is as awesome a writer as she is a woman of God.) I'm also reading Dawn of a Thousand Nights by Tricia Goyer. Oh my! Talk about gripping. Another wonderful must read.
And if you all are still in the praying frame of mind....my husband is due to have minor surgery this Friday, please keep him in your prayers. He will work that night and the next day too. Then we are taking all the four kids to the Monster Truck jam on Saturday night for my oldest son's birthday (this is an annual thing, but the first time we have taken the younger two of the bunch [our niece and nephew] with us). They are gonna love it!
Diet is going well. Sometimes I still feel fat. Usually when I am PMSing. Needing one of those ten pound PMS size bags of M & Ms with peanuts or the Reeses pieces. Mmmmm. ;0)
I just wanted to let you guys know that I am fine, if a little harassed. I am making writing progress.
I really have some wonderful friends who keep checking on me and pulling me out of my self imposed hole. How do some of you know just where I go and when and why? (Would Mir stand up and answer that please? lol)
Have a wonderful night and hopefully next time I will have some insight. I have these wonderful profound thoughts....I really do, but I lose them before I get to paper (not to mention it is really hard to write and drive at the same time). My oldest son found my voice recorder so maybe I won't loose those thoughts. :0)
Night all! Big hugs!
4 comments:
What? I gotta stand up now? Shoot, girl, I just sat down and got comfy. :)
SO HAPPY YOU POSTED. How can we pray for you if we don't know what's what?
I'm about to have my Bible and prayer time in a couple of hours, so now I know what you need help in. (I like to pray with specifics.)
As far as the job, have you ever invited people to eat lunch with you at work? I mean, do you approach and socialize? Or, if you're like me, does the idea of being left alone make you pretty HAPPY? :) I"m an introvert, and I've been out of the work force since 1990, so I barely remember! Hah. No really, I have no trouble eating alone, but I've learned that, yeah, it's nice to be part of the "team" or "group" and get invited and, in turn, invite. I don't know what you do or what the details are, but I'd be bummed, too, if I was persistently left out.
Pray on it, babe. There's always a reason. You might be inadvertently sending out, "I dont' want to join in" signals. (Dunno. I know I tend to do that, bad habits of introverted me.)
As far as Bible and Writing, you and me both. I'm behind, way behind, but I will catch up. I just had a crazy week, that's all. We get those, right?
So, here's the deal. I don't normally just offer, cause, hey, I'm an INTROVERT!!!!! heh heh. But you go and write me three pages of your GEnesis project and send it to me at Mirathon@blogspot.com. I'll give you feedback every step of the way.
I won't ask you do the same in return (unless ya wanna). I just want to egg you on and keep you motivated.
And pray I can get my carpal tunnel cleared up so I can write up a storm? Okay?
SMOOCHIES.
Mir
BTW, losing a mom is one of the top-top-uber-top stressful things.
When my mother was terminally ill and I was caring for her, I could not write. I coudln't write for nearly two years. Life was consuming. I had no energy. Every minute was about her. I even neglected my own health, gained 30 pounds, and am stunned I didn't have a heart attack (although I had symptoms of one at one point).
So, cut yourself some slack. Love yourself a bit, Pammer. And just say, "I will make progress with God's empowerment in 2006." And you will. He is there. And He is NOT silent.
Your Momma must be chatting up my Mami up in heaven now, eh? :)
Mir
Oh, and yes, I'm clogging up your comments thingie here, but I had to say this:
Remember that you're invited to the biggest Bash of the All: The marriage supper of the Lamb.
Better to miss every party on earth and make THAT one, right? :)
Mir--gonna have a brand new look for that party, which is definitely a good thing. And a new name. Although I'm all used to this one now...
oooooh sissy how is it you didn't mention all this when I talked to you Monday night??? I even talked with you on the phone!
(((((((Pammer)))))))) Love you girl. Praying for you.
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