Writing Relationships

I'm horrible with relationships. In real life that is. I just don't understand the mechanics of it. I know what I want from others and that is what I try to give, but I guess I just don't get it.

I watched my mother for years and she wanted the same thing I wanted. She failed as miserably as I do. :) I loved her dearly and so did my dad, but she needed something outside of that and she didn't get it either.

I tend to write what I want. Then again, sometimes I write what I have. Therefore I sometimes wonder if the relationships within my writing are realistic.

My heroines either have a very close friend. One that senses that something is wrong and will call just to say, "Hey, you know what? I love you and so does God. If you need me to pray with you, I'm there." If she says she'll call back, then she does. They also have someone to vent to, or that gives them a sense of worth, so that hopelessness doesn't sneak up on them and if it does, the friend is there to help heroine and God beat it off with a big stick.

OR my heroine hasn't any friends. She faces her giants alone (especially if she is at an impasse with God). Of course in these instances I think it's plain that the heroine needs to learn to lean on God rather than another person, else the glory go to someone undeserving.

My current WIP, the heroine is protective. A bit shallow. She wants to go deep with people, but suffering rejection (though minor) her whole life has taught her to hold back. She feels safer if she is superficial and unattached. She talks a lot and yet says nothing (a lot like me). And like me, she just doesn't get it.

I think it is important in your writing to look carefully at the relationships you've created. Are they all the same with different names or are you digging deep into the characters. Some of my character questions deal with this, how the character views not only others, but themselves as well with the opportunity to tell how people really feel about them.
You've met the swaggering guy who thinks he's so hot, and everyone just rolls their eyes (not to his face of course) and makes fun of him because he's so not. It's kindof like an omnipresent view of that situation.

Character sketches are so important for this. You really have to get into the character's heads to be able to have a dimensional character rather than a paper doll.

So grab your notebook and start letting the character tell you exactly what she wants in a relationship (this includes relationships with the hero, but that is a different segment) with other people. What she expects from friends, what she is willing to give. What she needs from a church family. Use your imagination. You may dig up some old hurts and uncertainties that she isn't even aware of (don't we all have those areas?) and it will add depth to your character and the story.

I really had fun (well, not FUN per se) with this and my villian. But my kids thought I went too far and I backed off. Still working on that character sketch. My villian is one messed up indivige, let me tell you. Motive is there though.

Let me know if you come up with some ideas to help with figuring out if your relationships are realistic.

Happy sketching!