Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Taking the Plunge...in a writing sense
I have been writing this most recent book for two years. Or more. I actually started it back in 2003, and wrote others in between. So I haven't really been writing it that long, but I keep coming back to it. God asked me to step away from the computer (in the writing sense) two years ago so that I could focus on family. Last January I was allowed to come back to writing. I was so glad. I sent in to a contest and they told me my heroine was weak and shallow. And you know what? They were right!
So I set about changing her. I got way more than I bargained for. She changed occupations and it changed her personality so she is stronger. But that sent the conflict between hero and heroine into a tailspin. I'm digging deeper into her character and background so she is fully three dimensional. And the story is unfolding and I see so many God things abounding in the creation of this book and my life. Including an awesome replacement conflict for the story characters-my life has enough drama as it is, thank you very much.
And yet, when I sit at the computer to write, I am drawn to do anything else but write. And it is more than just the usual procrastination of a creative mind (you know the options are endless, lol). It's much more than that.
I am paralyzed by fear. Fear of failing, fear of succeeding, fear of getting it wrong, I don't know what fear. I have (through a series of events) lost confidence in my writing. And I think I even lost confidence in God's faithfulness to pull me through. He called me to writing and He wants me to write, and write THIS story. (Another goal for my new year to get this story done and shop for an agent.)
I have realized that the enemy is happy to toss ALL kinds of stuff in my way to keep me too busy to write, too overwhelmed to write, too anything to write. This has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in the last year. (Keeping working transportation is the biggest. Which incidentally means I am looking for dependable work from home since I wouldn't be able to get to a physical job-if you know of anything, let me know.) My brain just can't seem to focus sometimes and when it can focus, I'm no where near a computer. Even my Just Do It mind set hasn't helped. If the enemy can't win you to his side, he'll just be happy to make you ineffective.
But lately God has surrounded me with people who boost my confidence. He's given me an accountability partner who is undergoing much the same thing. I feel so much hope and determination for this year. (I am soliciting prayers for myself and my friend, though. Grin.)
Are any of you out there going through this same thing? Or maybe you went through it and overcame it and can give some tips to those of us suffering?
Or maybe you have another struggle that I can pray about or maybe even know a couple tips to help you out.
Have a wonderful day! Happy writing!