Captain's Log Stardate 66469.8

USS James Factor

I don't look at the New Year as a time to set unrealistic goals. I mean if I have never ran 15 miles in a week in my entire life, if in fact I fractured two tarsals the last time I jogged, what makes me think that on January 1, I'll automatically be changed into a marathon runner and resolve to run 15 miles every day including Sundays. Yeah. I'm setting myself up for failure followed by self-flagellation.
I'm not saying don't improve, set goals, or any of that, I'm just saying be realistic.
A good goal for me in the above case would be to plan to exercise or walk a few times a week until I built up speed and stamina. It's not likely that I will ever run 15 miles a day. Not even sure I'd want to.

One of my top New Year's resolutions through the years was to quit smoking. On the stroke of midnight would be my fresh new life. I can't tell you how many times I failed simply because I thought it had to be at the stroke of midnight and if I forgot the time or the fact that I quit....I tossed it for another year.
I finally did quit smoking. On September 16, 2004 at 6:35am.
Not the first of the year, the month, the week, or even the day. But it was the beginning of a new lifestyle.
So instead of setting resolutions, I more consider it like mapping out the coordinates for the journey called next year. They are flexible because life happens and unknown quantitatives are hidden behind the most innocuous space debris. You never know when you are going to suddenly find a foe scarier than the Crystaline Entity trying to rip away your shields and chew through your ship's hull.
It always helps to remember that though you sit in the captain's chair in your own life, God is the Commander and He always has your back. He is always on His throne. He is always good and faithful.

I usually ask the Lord for a word that will be prominent in my life for the year. Last year my word was Hope.
This year my word is LIGHT.
I want to be the light of Christ shining into the dark places in the world. I want to be His hands and feet. I want to be a tool for the Lord, not for my glory but for His.

As far as more tangible goals most of mine are recons rather than new territory. And it's getting back to my healthy ways that kind of went by the wayside when I started a second and third job. But I got into my "skinny" jeans and I want to stay there!

My biggest goal is being a better time manager. I believe God is calling me to be a better steward of my time.

I find myself hopeful for this year to be better than the last few years have been.

So what are your resolutions, goals or dreams for 2013?

Happy New Year!

2011 was a strange year.

We traveled more than we have in previous years, yet the year went by so fast it seems easy to forget all the fun places we went. Such as Topeka, Atchison, Thayer, Mammoth Springs, Hardy, and for me, a trip to St. Charles and St. Louis.

It was the third year in a trio that was hard to get through, however fast it went. Many things changed, mostly me.

The last few months brought about relief on several levels as things within me changed to bring me back to the person I have always been that got buried under the cynical and untrusting person I became. I won't say that I trust people any easier but I have learned to trust God more.

Somewhere around October I decided this is the life God has given me, I should be so in love with Him that I wake up and embrace every day as a gift from someone who loves me. Yeah, it's not the same life that someone else gets, but this is what God wants for me and I am to be a good steward with it because I LOVE Him.

On December 30, 2011 as I thought about the year to come, it was not with the usual dread I face. I realized that I was excited for the new year and a chance to do new things and yes, make a few changes. I had a gut feeling (I'm an intuitive and I get those gut feelings) that it was going to be a good year. And that is when my word came to me. I have hugged it to my chest for a couple days and now I am going to share with you the word God gave me for 2012.

HOPE.

And my verse is one that Jim Peterson gave me in St. Louis after praying for me late one night in the prayer room-and I cried in front of him, not many people can say they've seen me cry. (He is such a wonderful man of God.)

The verse was Romans 8:31 ...If God is for us who can be against us?

Not only that I am claiming a whole chunk of Romans 8 as my verse this year:

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[i] have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[j]

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This is taken from Biblegateway.com NIV version.

I have many things I want to accomplish this year, just as always. I have always loved the feeling of a clean slate. I know I will mess up occassionally, but I am focused on living for God, doing everything as if doing unto the Lord not unto man.

And I feel so much peace, joy, and hope for the year that were absent in other years. And all that these last three hard years have taught me, I will use as I dive into 2012.

Now, to tackle time management. :D

I Was "Altared" This Week

I was offered a chilled water as I signed in.

The lights in auditorium were turned very low with candles burning at the four corners. A sense of peace immediately overcame me, although I'd felt harried just moments before entering.

The candles burned at the four areas for Encounters. Encounter God, Encounter Family, Encounter Community and Encounter World.

I went around first reading the plaques set up at each place first. At the first (Encounter God) there was a cross, not set up, but laying on the ground as of ready for the next person to be put there. On top there were a lot of loose nails. Old flat looking nails.

Encounter Family was a living room setting and commitment cards to be filled out.

Encounter Community was a center with two coffee shop looking tables and cups (also coffee with different cups for your refreshment).

Encounter World (or maybe it was Globe) didn't get much attention from me as I felt a desire to sit and pray. I'd asked God to lead me when I got in there.

So I sat in the pew and prayed. I let my mind wander over the four different areas and I opened my heart. I realized that in the last few years, I've struggled. I've struggled with rejection, abandonment, disappointment, bitterness, and hurt so deep I thought my heart would never heal. And I built a lot of walls. Walls to keep people out. Once it became apparent to me that I needed to let people in or I would be ineffective, I moved the walls around my heart and only let people in so far.

I don't want to be hurt again and I figured if I didn't let anyone see the real me, then they can't really hurt me. And trust? You have to prove to me first that you are trustworthy or you won't get my trust. If you say you will do something, I won't believe it or expect it until you do it. But you won't know that. Because with that offer, I'll respond appropriately and appreciatively. But when you don't follow through (and sadly a LOT of people don't) I am not disappointed or hurt because I didn't have expect or have hope.

The word I keep hearing in my heart and have all year is TRUST and I thought that was God wanting me to trust others. I gave it a try and they still just didn't come through. So the walls go back up and I push people away. And I ask God why (the ever famous question, huh?) did He want for me to go through pain like that again?

I felt a need to go to the Encounter God station and I knelt on one of the pillows there. I knew that the breakdown and "lost" feeling I was experiencing in my life had to do with a breakdown of faith. And that all roads started with God.

As I prayed there many things popped up. The walls I thought I'd built just for people, I'd tried to keep God out too, because of all that had happened in such a short amount of time and the things that kept assailing me, I no longer trusted Him to take care of me. I'm notorious for being extremely self-sufficient. I'm guessing God gets as frustrated as my husband and kids do over this trait. (I'm thinking it goes back to my lifehood "lie" that I will be abandoned so I guess instead of depending on someone, I will just do it myself to prove I don't need anyone. It's not true. EVERYONE needs God. And someone with skin on helps too. I helps to have someone to talk to. It's very lonely when you are self-sufficient all the time.)

As a result of putting up walls and not even trusting God to come through for me, I'd done some other things. The calling God put in my heart was suffering. I couldn't understand why God would call me to do something that is so time consuming then not protect my time to get it done. I tried in various ways to set aside at the very least 30 minutes a day to pursue my writing. I don't have support in this endeavor from my family (they see it as a hobby at best and as a waste of time at worst). But this is where God has been leading me for years. So my time to write is whatever little bit of time I can sneak in without anyone knowing I'm writing. It's not conducive to a great flow, at least for the first draft.

But I was not using those little snippets of time because I wanted a stretch where I could loose myself in the story and maybe it would come a little easier.

But as I knelt there I realized that since I couldn't get the time I thought I needed for the task, I had set my calling aside as well.

It felt like God was asking, "Why should I give you stretches of time when you fritter away the time you DO have?" I realized I had wanted my way (and the way of others who have family support) or no way.

I'm such a Martha it sometimes takes quite a smack upside the head to see what God is patiently trying to show me.

For now, my books are to be written with the stolen bits of time I can wrangle out of my busy life. I am to MAKE those stolen bits of time work.

And another admonishment. With my diminishing trust in the One who never fails us....I also let my daily communication with Him slide away into oblivion. So it's His turn to ask Why? There is really no excuse or reason for this. None.

All these realizations were staggering to me. Changes HAD to be made. The one I fear the most is letting down the walls ALL the way because I really do not want to be hurt again. But I am not supposed to be isolated in my heart alone. And that is exactly where I have been for the last several months. Hiding.

God never gave up on me. He kept putting me out there. Pulling me out of my comfort zone (or my hiding place). Getting me where He needed me to open my eyes to the real truth.

So I took a nail and kept it until Sunday.

Yesterday morning during the altar call, I took my nail and went to the cross and hammered it into the wood as a sign of my commitment.

For me, I realize that I can't affect the world until I affect the community, and that is not going to happen until I have my family relationships straight, but none of that can happen until I get back in intimate communion with God.

Have you given up your time with your Father? Why not make a commitment to regain that time? It will be the best thing you've done since becoming a part of the Body of Christ.

APOLOGY: I know it seemed like I fell off the face of the earth, and I thought I had too except I was so busy I knew I was still on there somewhere. :) I will endeavor to keep a better schedule with this blog.

Concerning Uz

I keep thinking about Uz. He's been the topic of many conversations this week (in our household), not to mention in our sermon last Sunday morning.

Some time ago, my husband and I were discussing that particular unfortunate event in the Bible. My husband was horrified by the incident although clearly not wanting to say that he had a problem with the way God handled it. (This seems to be the consensus of many people.)

Greg: I don't understand why God killed him.

Me: God said Don't touch the ark.

Greg: But it was going to fall, Uz was only trying to steady it.

Me: There are no extenuating circumstances, God said Don't touch it.

Greg: He was only helping, surely God didn't have a problem with that.

Me: Do you think God can't take care of His own ark and keep it from falling?

As our preacher said last week, Uz should have been minding his own business, and instead he was trying to mind God's business. The ark was God's business.

How often do we do that in our own lives? Try to help God out. (Abraham and Sarah tried to do that and the world is still paying for it.) Do we forget He is in charge? Do we doubt He can keep ALL the plates turning without even ONE falling? Or maybe we are afraid He won't do in a way that we want or wish and we think our way is better than His way. (Though just for the record, God has never been wrong and though the human fallacy rate varies from person to person, there is at least one "wrong" in everyones' past.)

What I also found is that people like to try to justify a wrong done. Some because they hate to take the blame for wrongs done, even if they are at fault. It's like if they can justify it, then there is no fault. Some do it to protect others from consequences.

I get a lot of flack because I see things in black and white. There aren't many shades of gray in my world. If it is untrue, it's a lie. If you share something that is not yours to share, it's betrayal.

And as my oldest son pointed out the other day, Jesus came on the scene and while he completed the old law, He also turned it on its head. No longer was it just wrong to commit adultery, it was wrong to even think of it in your heart. No longer was it just wrong to murder, it was wrong to get so angry as to hate someone. So what is in your heart when you act is one thing God takes into account.

And God can take what is meant for evil and turn it for the good. (Joseph being sold into slavery is one example of that.) But just because God is able to do that does not mean we are justified our sins against others. There is always damage done when there is a sin committed. And there is always a consequence to at least one party.

So maybe this week we should examine what is in our hearts before we act (this will be a wonderful exercise for me because the sensor between my thinking center and my speaking center is a little messed up and communication is sometimes malfunctioning, but that is no excuse, it can be tamed with some self-discipline.).

And instead of trying to justify what we've done, perhaps we should fess up. Besides it's good practice. God WILL ask us about it on Judgement Day. And He isn't much in the business of negotiating. No extenuating circumstances that he didn't know about or didn't think of (God is so much bigger than much people give him credit for).

If God says Don't, He means....don't. End of story.

But my experience is...if you concentrate on the do's in the Bible, the don't kindof fall into place on their own or you just don't have time for them. :D

Have a great week.

Tomorrow I will post on Writing and we are going to explore some ACFW Conference Memories and what I learned. I'd love it if some of you would share your conference memories also.

Win a Romantic Night on the Town from Miss Foolish Hearts

Susan May Warren is thrilled to announce the release of her latest Deep Haven book, My Foolish Heart!

Read what the reviewers are saying here.

To celebrate this charming novel about a dating expert who's never had a date, Susan has put together a romantic night on the town for one lucky couple. One grand prize winner will receive a Miss Foolish Heart prize package worth over $200!

The winner of the Romantic Night on the Town Prize Pack will receive:

* A $100 Visa Gift Card (For Dinner)

* A $100 Gift Certificate to a Hyatt/Marriott Hotel

* The entire Deep Haven series

To enter just click one of the icons below. But, hurry, the giveaway ends at noon on June 16th. The winner will be announced that evening during Susan’s Miss Foolish Heart Party on Facebook! Susan will be chatting with guests, hosting a book club chat about My Foolish Heart, testing your Deep Haven trivia skills, and giving away tons of great stuff! (Gift certificates, books, donuts, and more!) Don't miss the fun and BRING YOUR FRIENDS!

My Foolish Heart by Susan May Warren

My Foolish heart

Unknown to her tiny town of Deep Haven , Isadora Presley spends her nights as Miss Foolish Heart, the star host of a syndicated talk radio show. Millions tune in to hear her advice on dating and falling in love, unaware that she’s never really done either. Issy’s ratings soar when it seems she’s falling in love on-air with a caller. A caller she doesn’t realize lives right next door.

Caleb Knight served a tour of duty in Iraq and paid a steep price. The last thing he wants is pity, so he hides his disability and moves to Deep Haven to land his dream job as the high school football coach. When his beautiful neighbor catches his eye, in a moment of desperation he seeks advice from My Foolish Heart, the show that airs before his favorite sports broadcast.

Before he knows it, Caleb finds himself drawn to the host—and more confused than ever. Is his perfect love the woman on the radio . . . or the one next door?

Read an excerpt here: http://www.susanmaywarren.com/novels/contemporary-romance/

Susan May Warren is an award-winning, best-selling author of over twenty-five novels, many of which have won the Inspirational Readers Choice Award, the ACFW Book of the Year award, the Rita Award, and have been Christy finalists. After serving as a missionary for eight years in Russia , Susan returned home to a small town on Minnesota ’s beautiful Lake Superior shore where she, her four children, and her husband are active in their local church.

Susan's larger than life characters and layered plots have won her acclaim with readers and reviewers alike. A seasoned women’s events and retreats speaker, she’s a popular writing teacher at conferences around the nation and the author of the beginning writer’s workbook: From the Inside-Out: discover, create and publish the novel in you!. She is also the founder ofwww.MyBookTherapy.com, a story-crafting service that helps authors discover their voice.

Susan makes her home in northern Minnesota , where she is busy cheering on her two sons in football, and her daughter in local theater productions (and desperately missing her college-age son!)

A full listing of her titles, reviews and awards can be found at:www.susanmaywarren.com.

Sound good and want to buy it?

Go here: http://www.amazon.com/My-Foolish-Heart-Deep-Haven/dp/1414334826/ref=sprightly-20

PAMMER'S THOUGHTS: This is a cute and lighthearted book that still tackles some deep issues. Susan is so talented at doing this! You will not want to put this book down and you will finish it (even if it is three in the morning) with a satisfied sigh.

Here's the blog tour schedule:

http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13297362)

What are you reading this week?

I've not had many new books of late. Haven't had much time for reviewing, and haven't had much money to be able to use on books.

BUT I have discovered something wonderful. Even if you cannot afford a Kindle, you can download a program to be able to use it on your computer. Every so often current books will be available for a limited time for free! I have several awesome books that I got this way.

I recently got an upgrade on my phone (my husband actually got the upgrade but since he dunked my phone in a glass of water we decided I should get his upgrade) and it's a smart phone. I downloaded (for free) a Kindle app and it syncs up with the one I have one my computer. Same books, and when I bookmark on either, then I can always pick up where I left off on either computer or phone.

So I have been enjoying the book called Deceit by Brandilyn Collins.

This book is well written and engaging. It's wet-your-pants exciting! :D This is the first book I have actually looked forward to finishing in quite a while. It lives up to her Don't Forget to Breathe. It's worth the time to read it. I'm only 15 chapters in, but the plot has kept me riveted.